New York makes me feel very small. New York makes me feel insignificant. This isn't necessarily a bad thing. When you are an above average fish in an average pond you don't feel really big, or really small--you just feel comfortable--you aren't bottom of the barrel, and there isn't much of a top, so you don't have to try very hard. New York makes a Midwesterner like me uncomfortable because it makes me question the point and value of my existence. I don't know multiple languages, I haven't traveled the world, I don't have multiple degrees from important schools, or unique life experiences--all the things that so many of the people around me have. I feel too average, too boring, too unaccomplished, to share the streets of Manhattan with so many amazing people. I feel anxious because I feel inferior, but again, somehow it's not a particularly negative thing--it just is what it is. There is inspiration and motivation to be derived from these feelings. There is opportunity for real growth here. I've never had to try that hard at anything to be slightly above average. I've avoided really challenging myself--I take the easy route, sticking to what I know will make me feel confident, if not superior. I was comfortable where I was, and even pretentious enough to think I was bored. Now I am somewhere where one can never be legitimately bored, or even particularly superior. I can sink, or I can learn to swim. I can let myself feel hopelessly lost, or I can grow the fuck up and build a new life for a new person, someone I would like to be.